Funk

I've been in a bit of a Funk for the last week or so. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. Whenever this happens I have a tendency to be as proactive against it. Which creates angst within me because I want so badly to fix what I'm feeling and replace it.

So here are a few of my thoughts (and I would just like to say that this is quite possibly the most honest thing I have ever written on my blog and a side of myself that I rarely expose to people, for some reason I feel like opening myself up and being vulnerable might help).

Sometimes it is important to experience these things. Why is it so wrong to not feel perfect all the time? This is an emotion and I need to honor the way I'm feeling and the reasons why, process them and deal with the causes otherwise I'll probably just fall back into the feelings again. At least until the cause is resolved.

Happiness is a conscience choice, as is creating happiness. The world won't automatically give it to you all the time, if you want to be happy then choose it. Fight for it. Defend it. Don't let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve it.

You will not experience happiness if you have unkind feelings in your heart. Now, I'm not saying that you have to love everyone all the time, but if you're carrying around terrible feelings in  your heart eventually it will eat away at you. Resolve these issues and release these emotions. Sometimes, grace might be the only thing that can take these feelings away from you. In those instances allow it to.

Love lists. This might seem a little silly, but this morning I started some love lists on my phone. The first one is a list of things that bring me happiness and the second is a list of things that I love about myself.

Elimination, if there is something that is making you unhappy, or perhaps someone, get rid of it.

I've heard a lot of people say that happiness comes from knowing who you are, your divinity, and making choices that coincide with that knowledge. I'll be completely honest that whatever I'm experiencing right now has nothing to do with this.  I'm not sure how to reconcile this.

I really don't like being told what to do, which is why I don't really open up this side of myself. I love advice when it's coming from a loving place and it is someone who really knows me, but I don't need people to tell me what to do. This is my issue, not others, but I don't know why people think they can understand what I'm feeling and what the solution is. If I want specific advice I'll ask for it. Otherwise support and love is encouraged and then just keep your mouth shut.I don't mean to be harsh here, for instance if there was super destructive behavior going on I would hope that my friends and family would step in, but if I'm just in a funk and going through something just let me. I'll get through it.

With all this being said, I'm doing just fine. I'm just dealing with some weird feelings right now. Perhaps it's my dissatisfaction with my job. Maybe it's my high expectations for myself. Maybe it's hormones. I don't know. But I'll be ok. Hopefully by Monday I'll be back to my chipper ways, because this is what I'm going to spend my time focusing on.