Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'll give you this confession...I get the feeling we're so misdirected

Sometimes I joke that I carry a curse. I used to be the girl right before "the one." Literally every guy I even went on a single date with, ended up marrying the next girl he dated. It was quite remarkable.

Lately I have joked that I carry a very different curse. A curse that forces anyone close to me to suffer an incredibly difficult break up. Now, this is not completely true because a few of my friends and family members are currently involved in very successful relationships, but I can't help but notice a disproportionate amount of the opposite in my life.

There are certain things you can only learn in relationships by experiencing them, and there are some things that you can learn by the experiences of others.

I was talking to a friend of mine about her dysfunctional quasi-relationship and she told me that she just wanted to protect her heart from being shredded into pieces . I can relate because no one wants to subject themselves to that.

But I remembered a simple rule of love. When you choose to love someone, you give them the opportunity to love you like you have never been loved before, and the opportunity to hurt you like you have never been hurt before. But these two things are unconditionally intertwined.

You cannot allow someone to love you, without also allowing the possibility to be hurt. For many people surrendering this control is difficult, and for many type-A personalities it is near impossible, but it is a prerequisite for love.

When the person you choose to love hurts you like you have never been hurt before, it is your personal CHOICE to take away both keys.

I emphasize choice, because we choose to perpetuate the relationship, which results in healing love or further pain.

What I find remarkable are the people who have been hurt in the past and seem capable enough of once again surrendering themselves to another person.

For me, it took a VERY long time to release the bitterness and to be open to love again. But it is the experiences of the past that have made my life so beautiful, and that taught me lessons for the future.

I do not claim to know it all or to even be right in this instance, but to my dear friends who are confused and suffering, I wish you only happiness and I know that you will find it. Make the decision that is going to yield your genuine happiness, and I don't think you can be happy and bitter at the same time. Forgiveness is healing.


dawn said...

Wow, Jill. Sometimes I just marvel at the insight you possess. You are one of the most incredible, beautiful, intelligent people I've ever known . . . and your time will come, and with it will come tremendous peace. I love you, my Angel!!!

Kristina said...

Amen, sista.